The best word to describe my life right now is "odd." Not in school, not employed. Lacking in a lot of the things that I'm used to having in my schedule like lessons and rehearsals. I'm feeling both more and less balanced than I'm used to. I've been spending a lot of time thinking and inventing things for myself to do. These things mostly have to do with organizing and cleaning, which is all good in my opinion. I didn't realize how many things I had put off doing, or which hadn't seemed important at the time but are now rather critical.
I have applied to be a substitute teacher, and I have been doing all the training and form-getting which is needed for that. My orientation is on Thursday, and I'm really hoping that it comes through for me. Not being one to put all my eggs in one basket, I'm also looking at other jobs, putting together resumes and cover letters, taking assessments on my strengths and weaknesses. It's been illuminating, but incredibly scary.
I talk a good talk about letting my life open up and exploring the options available to me, about seeing where my path leads. The truth is, I'm really afraid.
I have two auditions scheduled between now and Thanksgiving, which gives me something to practice for. The reality of being a musician is that it is hard to make yourself work if there is not a reason to be working like an audition or a lesson or a concert. I'm running the Dino Dash again this year on October 4th, and I'm in the beginning stages of planning a weekend backpacking trip a few weeks later. All these things are giving my life some structure, but I sure wish I had a job so I could feel productive.
This morning I woke up feeling down and out of sorts. We all have our little ritual which help us to center and focus and let go of the weight in our mind. For me, the scent and taste of Earl Grey tea makes me feel like everything is ok in the world. When I smell it, I can't think of anything else. My cup of tea was badly needed today.