Too much thinking, too little sleeping

Maybe you haven't heard, but the Detroit Symphony Orchestra is on strike. The strike is historic for a number of reasons, and it is the cause of many sleepless nights around my place. I have been working with the library at the DSO since June, and while I am not on strike, the strike is raising some very personal, very touchy issues for me. I'm spending a lot of time thinking about the use of music in the world and why orchestras are important to culture and what it means both economically and spiritually to a city to have an orchestra. More information, from the musicians' perspective, can be found here.

This passage from a book I'm reading for class has sparked a lot of thought today:

"It is with art as with religion: people think too often that all truth, all perfection, is confined to one sect, to one school, and that beyond it there is nothing but error and imperfection. Nature and the spirit that pervades her is too great a theme to be exhausted by one man or school - a theme to which not even the united schools of all arts and all ages can do justice; it is inexhaustible, infinite. Let us be careful that by disregarding any branch of art, however slight, or by disparaging any style, however uncongenial to our individual taste, we may not lose part of the interpretation of that glorious mystery."

-- "On Mendelssohn and Some of His Contemporary Critics" by Friedrich Niecks in Mendelssohn and His World, edited by R. Larry Todd

Fall Break

I went back into the woods again. This time we went to Nordhouse Dunes just outside of Ludington. That's Lake Michigan - the darker line of blue above the gorgeous trees.

This time, the trail was easy. Because it was easy, they didn't feel the need for accurate maps or markers of any kind. It was easy, but no one really knew where they were. This made me nervous, but the sound of the water calmed me down.

There are a lot of things to love about being on the water. One of them is the sunset. Have you ever seen the sun set over water? It literally sinks into the water right before your eyes. The sunset from the top of a dune? Pretty much perfect.

We walked on the squeaky sand.

And we dipped our toes in the water. It wasn't exactly warm, but it was also not terrible - nice enough for a barefoot stroll along the waterline.

In other news, I recently had a run-in with a professor. You know, the kind of person who expects you to rely on telepathy instead of assignment sheets and tells you that you simply aren’t trying hard enough all the while marking you down for not including requirements in your paper which you demonstrably did include. I find it incredibly hard to let go of these kinds of injustices, and they unfortunately effect my life for many days (and in this case weeks) afterwards. I find it depressing and yet oddly comforting that at every level of education I have received and in every school I have worked there are bad teachers and good teachers, no matter the level of funding or prestige. There are people who are good at their jobs and are always striving to be better, more effective, and more relevant, and there are people who are lost in their own world or, worse, don’t care at all. These people exist in every place and in every job on the planet.

And because I still have half a semester left with this professor (maybe more), I'm wondering how it is you deal with these kinds of people and these kinds of injustices. Any advice is appreciated.

Sunday Morning

Right now my life is:
- learning a semester's worth of computer programming in 4 weeks.
- being a project manager (!)
- sunny mornings and cloudy afternoons.
- granny squares. Lots of them.
- acorns. I have an unreasonable love of acorns.
- sitting through 3 hour classes, then managing the work for said classes.
- learning to be a different kind of student.
- putting on the first handknit sweater of fall. Arwen, my favorite.
- cutting down the basil to make pesto.
- trying to go running, but mostly not managing it.
- missing friends.
- eavesdropping on the bus.
- thinking. Lots and lots of thinking.

Settling

Well, I'm moved. All my stuff has been packed, transported, and unpacked. I've started to find out the best places to run and shop and park. It's a process. I have to keep making a point to be brave, to try it out, and if it doesn't work to try something else. I can tend to get stuck or be fearful of new things when I liked the old ones just fine. That's no way to live, but it does take conscious effort on my part sometimes.

I went down to the Farmers Market today, which was fun, even if parking was a nightmare. Next time, I'd like to take my bike. This is no small feat since I have to cross a highway to get there, but I think I've found an acceptable place which does not involve navigating on- and off-ramps. A peck of peaches came home with me. That's a lot of peaches. But since these were seconds, they cost only one dollar more than half as many "perfect" peaches. They're going to become Peach Cardamom Jam later today. Browse around that link a bit, would you? It's completely gorgeous. The rest will get devoured or frozen for smoothies.

Things I'm loving:

- Fables. I've been trying to get on the graphic novel bandwagon for a while. It seems like it should be a perfect fit since I love comic strips, but this is the first I've found that I have enjoyed. Other suggestions?

- I made this a few weeks ago with golden zucchini. Delish and super easy. I'm making another today, and this time I'm going to have fun arranging slices of green and gold baby zucchini. My thyme has gone bonkers, so I'm looking for new ways to use it.

- Huge. I'm kind of addicted to this show. I love, love, love, the way it really and truly portrays the trials and tribulations of being a teenager in a summer camp setting. As a former camper of many years and a camp counselor, too, I can remember what it was like without having to share a bathroom.

- Also, about summer camp, I'm thinking about care packages and the thrill of getting mail. I have a friend away at a festival, and I'm betting the thrill doesn't wear off even if we are decidedly not camp-going age.

- Speaking of books, Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen is the most enjoyable, addicting, perfect for me book I've read in a long while. Everyday magic, cooking, romance, and reality.

- I'll be making a set of these for my place. That is, as soon as I find some affordable wool felt. See above about exploring....

Lemons

You know, they have that saying about what to do when life gives you lemons. Well, it's been a challenging year, and with my lemons I made a lemon skirt.
I fell head over heels for this pattern by Alexander Henry. It's a quilting weight cotton, so the skirt is fully lined in muslin to prevent any unsightly back-lighting issues. This gives it a very nice weight and feel. I don't have the pattern available at the moment (more on that in a sec) but I'm pretty sure it's a New Look pattern, and in the original version, this is a mini skirt. I added two inches of length to make it hit just at the knee, and I also graded the pattern up a bit since it only goes to an 18 and I need a 20. I like this pattern because it has real jeans-style pockets and a substantial waistband. The thing I don't like about this pattern is that the skirt is very triangular and doesn't flow nicely. I'm looking for a swingy kind of skirt with a waistband. Anyone have any ideas?I also made this apron a while back. It's a twin to Danielle's apron, but this one took half as long to make. This is another quilting-weight cotton. I couldn't resist the kitschy fruit print. That's me pitting 3 quarts of sweet cherries. My hands look bloody right now, but these are destined to become Brandied Cherries. Speaking of low tech, I'm pitting those cherries with a hairpin, just like my great-great-Aunt Irma.

The other thing I did with lemons? I took charge of my life and made a decision. I am headed back to school in the fall to pursue a Masters of Library and Information Science degree at that other Michigan university. This means that I'm moving.

It's been a long journey to this place, where I'm deliberately heading my life in a direction different from the one I thought it would take. I'm an intensely practical person, and the truth is that even if the economy were not the way it is, and symphonies weren't cutting their personnel and season to the bone and beyond, music performance jobs are incredibly difficult to come by. I hope I will always be playing and teaching and taking auditions, but I also need health insurance and some stability and one day (maybe) my own home.

I don't think that anyone likes to move, but I am finding this to be a bit heart wrenching. I have loved living here more that I thought I ever would, but it's time to do those favorite things one last time and open my heart to the new favorite things that are to come.

Though I don't "officially" move until next Saturday, I took possession of my new place on Thursday. I drove down with a car load of stuff (including a box with all my sewing patterns in it), and set about deciding whether or not this place would be mine, or just a place to live. There are good signs. Preserves in the pantry.
And a tree outside my window.

Tuesday Toad

This morning was clear and cool, in contrast to the cloying humidity of the past week. I thought it was a good morning for breakfast on the balcony. While I was out of town, the folding chair which I had collapsed and moved out of the sun had fallen over. I righted it and moved to brush the leaves and debris out of the seat when I saw this little guy perched on the edge of the chair. How he managed to get three stories up is completely beyond me, but he changed my plans quickly.
I had breakfast inside, but worried about my toad friend. The sun was about to hit the balcony full force, and with the tree right outside my window, there was more than a passing chance that some bird would find him to be a tasty snack before he got fried in the sunlight. I finished breakfast and got out a spare Ball jar. It took a little coaxing, but I got him inside and out onto the grass.

Free at last! I don't think he was properly grateful, but in his defense, I did inspect him rather closely for concealed wings.

Bayshore Half Marathon

I had a fantastic weekend. Friday my folks and I drove up to Traverse City, Michigan where I was supposed to run the Bayshore Half Marathon on Saturday morning. It wasn't the original plan for my parents to join me, but they insisted, and I wasn't about to turn down a free ride north. I swear, my parents were the Nervous Nellys of the three of us. I am so used to performing, being put on the spot, and often traveling distances to get put on the spot that I was not especially nervous about this race, in spite of all the work I've put into it. On Saturday morning, they woke up at 5:00AM, made sure I ate my bagel and peanut butter, that I drank enough water, that my race bib was pinned on straight, and then they drove me to the bus that was to take me to the starting line and walked me to the bus doors, all like it was the first day of school.

7:30 AM I crossed the starting line. Buckets of sweat, aching feet, many cups of water and Gatorade, and 2:45:21 later I crossed the finish line. Hooray! Hooray! The first 8 miles were fine. I warmed up, the sun came over the trees, the bay was always right there, and there were cute summer homes to admire and dream over. Miles 8-10 were very, very hard. My feet hurt, my calves and quads were seizing up, the aid stations seemed a longer than normal distance apart, and my stomach was making signs of rebellion. Miles 10-12 I was just numb. And that last 1.1 miles was the most difficult of the whole race. I wanted to be done so badly, and everyone I passed kept saying that it wasn't far now, only 6 tenths left, just keep going, you're almost there. But I never quite got there and my legs wouldn't move and I was tired and my feet hurt. I saw my family about 2 tenths from the finish and somewhere I found the strength to keep running, and then I found an extra gear and I picked it up for the finish. I did it!

But that was just the beginning of my awesome weekend. I got to go shopping in Traverse City with some of my favorite people, and then I got to spend some time at my most favorite lake in the whole wide world - Torch Lake. I soaked my aching legs and feet in the icy water and tried to be grateful for the moment.

Monday I was back in my apartment, I slept in, caught the early showing of Letters to Juliet (which I recommend, by the way, if you're looking for a chick flick with gorgeous scenery), had the least painful bra-shopping experience of my life (You know how it is. They discontinue your favorite bra, and no one likes bra shopping, so you have to gear yourself up for the torture of trying on bra after uncomfortable bra to find the one you can live with, only this time it took me just two tries and minimal discomfort), bought a few things at 25% off at Banana Republic, had a nap, and made this Shaved Asparagus Pizza (fantastic!!!) which I ate with a large salad from my garden and wondered how I got so lucky to have three incredible days in a row.

How did I get so lucky? Thanks for the encouragement from everyone who asked me how training was going, said "you can do it," or otherwise sent positive thoughts my way. This was an incredible undertaking for someone who's not especially athletic in the traditional sense of the word, and I am so grateful for your uplifting spirits. Thank you.

Adirondacks

So I went on this backpacking trip. You might remember I mentioned I was going in October, but those plans fell through. We rescheduled for May, and one week ago I found myself in Lake Placid with my toilet paper wrapped in a baggie and all the essentials packed into a (relatively) small pack.

I've been struggling with what to say about this trip. It was awesome and intense. The hiking was much more technical that any of us had expected. There was some bouldering, lots of mud pits, places where we were essentially bushwhacking between trail markers, places where the trail itself was indistinguishable from the surrounding forest, very steep scrambles up and down very large rocks (Indian Pass, I'm looking at you), tons of stream crossings necessitating the use of fallen logs and well-placed rocks (24 on the last day alone), and very wet feet for certain of us.

People keep saying that it doesn't sound like much fun, but it was. I mean, the kind of fun the means carrying you toilet paper in a baggie and renting bear canisters. But the views were incredible. I think the best thing to do is let the pictures speak for themselves.

This is the trail. See it? Yeah, not so much.

This is also the trail. It looks like a semi-dried up stream bed because that is what it is.

I love trillium. They have a very delicate version in the Adirondacks.

The nature, it strives to make us feel insignificant.

Cooking dinner the first night. Thai Cashew Chicken. Yes, please.

1. Day 1 - Pristine New Boots, 2. Day 1 - First Sploodge, 3. Day 1 - Dampish, but not wet, 4. Day 2 - Very Wet and Squidgy, 5. Day 3 - Soggy and Sore, 6. Day 3 - Relief

An attempt to illustrate how to turn a pair of new boots into very wet, muddy boots. With the best part of any hike, getting the boots off and the feet in very cold water at the end of the day.

I am pretty much in love with all the moss. If I was a fairy, I would live among the many moss covered logs in the forest.

We found an Ent. They really do exist.

The water has this incredible dark stillness about it. I can't get enough. I'm a Michigan girl through and through. I miss the water when I can't have any.

Handknits in the wild. Shown are Owls and a hat I made before the blog from wool I brought back from Ireland. I think it was my first attempt at winging a pattern. And, yes, I am wearing a ridiculous number of layers here. It is cold! I've got on long underwear, a Smartwool pullover, and a chunky-knit sweater in addition to a hat, pants, and mittens. And I should point out that I'm not exactly warm here.

You want another lake and mountain picture. I know you do.

Oh, hey, that's not an outdoorsy picture! I decided I need to sewas pouch for my first-aid kit. I improvised this pattern to make a double pocketed zippered pouch that would fold up.

It turned out better that I expected. I didn't use any of the first aid except the ibuprofen.

Adirondack chairs at Heart Lake. I could sit here all day.

So Meg, how is that half-marathon training treating you?

Well, it's had it's ups and downs, that's for sure. The first time I did a ten-miler? Definite up. The calf pain I've been battling since January? Down. But, well, I have to say that I'm really glad I decided to do this. Unlike some of the other things I practice (my clarinet, for one), it's pretty easy to see real progress on a run. In January? Yeah. Ten miles on a Saturday morning seemed like a far distant goal, much less 13.1. Putting on the miles, getting out there when I'd rather be sitting down makes a difference. And, no, I'm not fast. Not at all. Especially recently. But I put in the miles. I get up at 6:30 on Saturday and put on my running clothes and go out in all kinds of weather (notably, one sub-zero run in February where I came back with my entire body covered in a layer of frost and my eyelashes caked in ice) and GET IT DONE.

I'm incredibly proud of that. I complain sometimes. I get frustrated, particularly when I get passed going and coming by my other team members. But I do it. When people ask me about my training, I tell them in minute detail about my last run, my latest theories and conclusions, and what hurts this week. They probably wish they hadn't asked. I can't help telling them, though. One thing I didn't count on in this whole training thing is how much non-running time I would spend thinking about running. First of all, getting really sweaty 5 days a week means lots of extra laundry. That's definitely not something I figured on. Mostly though, I'm hungry all the time. The nutrition thing is something I'm still working on. What it takes to fill me up without gaining a bunch of weight. What my body needs to refuel properly. What it needs to heal. What I need to eat before I go out to make sure I can even do 10 miles.

Tomorrow morning is my third 10-miler. I can hardly believe I did the first one. My legs? Tired, sore, but hanging in there. My iPod? Kicked the bucket a month ago. Couldn't take the heat. Metaphoric heat of course, since probably what it couldn't take was the cold. I keep going.

When I was a kid, we had a big garden in our backyard. The kind of garden that meant weeding and pulling and canning and chasing rabbits. When I was young, I kind of resented that garden, not because I minded getting dirty and digging and sowing or eating (especially eating) but because I increasingly felt that the garden was a responsibility shouldered mostly by my brother and be, and not the fun parts either. We didn't get to choose the plants, and most of the weeding and watering was left to us as summer chores when we'd really rather have been running around with our friends. Of course, I could eat more than my fair share of beans, carrots, and raspberries, but if I'd had my choice, I'd have left the kohlrabi, broccoli, and radishes out of the garden entirely. I always felt that if my parents had just asked if I wanted to be involved, I could have had a different attitude. That this attitude was mostly a product of my tween years is probably no coincidence.

As I've gotten older, I've been influenced by the farmer's markets in Ithaca and East Lansing, and by books like The Omnivore's Dilemma, In Defense of Food, Animal Vegetable Miracle, Jamie at Home, and most recently Grow Great Grub. I have awakened a desire to have a garden of my own, especially considering the taste difference between a store-bought carrot and a home-grown one. But I live in an apartment, and this seemed to be a major obstacle to my dreams of stepping outside and having what I needed to cook the way I love. Reading more (particularly Grow Great Grub by Gayla Trail) I realized that I could have, if not everything I wanted, at least some, grown in containers on my balcony. This year is my first, and I'm being ambitious, if only for the experiment of it: Two kinds of lettuce mixes, spinach, chard, peas, and tomatoes.
The greens have already sprouted, and I'm like a little mother hen with them, checking them first thing in the morning, worrying about how much sun they are getting and whether they need more water (or, equally bad, worrying about them getting too much.) I am so thrilled to see the little sprouts poking up, and I can't wait to see what colors of chard I will have - I chose Bright Lights chard which grows in many different colors. I'm already collecting salad recipes for what will be, in my head anyway, a bumper crop of lettuce.

I chose greens specifically because they like the cold and hate the heat of July, which fits perfectly into my summer plans. The tomatoes might not make it to fruition - even the cherry variety I'm trying needs more light than I typically get, and I'm late getting the seeds in because of circumstances beyond my control, but I'm trying to let things take their own shape and treat this as a giant experiment. How else do you learn, after all, except by the occasional failure.

Though this adventure isn't meant to be a big Earth Day plug, I can't help but be excited about my little sprouts. I am so looking forward to picking those first lettuce leaves for dinner. And my tree is about to bust into bloom. Growing is good.

How do you Earth Day?

The last one

The truth is this. Life right now is really hard. Really hard in that mid-twenties existestial way, and also really hard in the "life is hard, suck it up" way. In the last week and a half I have had six jobs, two of which rank numbers one and two on the Worst Days of Subbing Ever list, one which was just plain challenging, and one which turned out to be a snow day but I didn't find out until I got to school. So then the existenstial question is "what do I do next?" because clearly, I can't do this for a whole lot longer and expect to keep myself in one piece.

And, really, I tell you this because I want to explain my lack of blog mojo, and because this is the last time I want to talk about it here. I really need a existential crisis and complaint free space, and this is it. So even though I have a few sewing projects started or completed to show, an improvised hat finished and another on the needles, plus the back and part of the front of Demi done and I haven't shown you any of it, that's just the way it's going to have to be for now.

I made a tote bag from the tutorial by Gloriana. It's kind of the big sister to one of my first sewing projects only this one is reversible

I didn't use any velcro for the pockets, because I didn't have any lying around and didn't feel like going to the store to get any. My single complaint with this bag is that I wish the pockets were larger. Because they are attached to the bottom, and the bottom is square, some significant pocket real estate gets taken up when the bag is full. If they were taller, this would matter less. This is my work bag, taking the place of two smaller bags which I was carrying before. It holds everything I need for work, plus my lunch, purse-type things, and a shawl admirably. Between this and a thermos for taking hot soup I manage to trudge through.

This is the last one, I promise.

A word on resolutions and other things

You know how they say that stupidity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result? Well, I'm really stupid. Luckily, this is the kind of stupid that only effects myself. I went cross-country skiing for the first time this season today, and although I know that I always get blisters from the boots, I chose to ignore this bit of evidence and do what I always do, which is to wear liner socks and thicker socks on top. About three strides into the trail, I knew that this was stupid. It was so stupid that I hadn't even thought about how stupid it was until that point. So, of course, I ended the trail the way I typically do, which is to take off my skis and hobble back to the hut while trying to hold back tears and grimacing.

It was a beautiful day though, even if the trail was less than ideal (lots of skiers going both the proper way around the trail and backwards, necessitating jumping off the trail to let people pass frequently, the snowmobile grooming the trail alongside all of these skiers, and a couple walking their dog in direct violation of the posted signage which says that hikers are not allowed on the trail when the XC trails are open. Of course, they followed behind the snowmobile, obscuring any sign of the groomed path.)

These top two pictures are actually from New Year's Day, which was cold but sunny. I went out for a walk around the neighborhood and listened to Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me on my iPod. Love that show.

And about those resolutions, anway? Well, you may remember that way back last year my resolution was to read all the unread books in my bookshelves. I was pretty good about talking about them here for a while, and then I stopped talking about them, but not reading. I am proud to say that with the exception of 1.25 books, I met my goal. Some of them were great. Some I stopped reading because I decided I didn't care enough to muscle my way through. And some I just decided I wasn't interested enough to start. The 1.25 books I have left to finish are Siddartha by Herman Hesse (this is the .25) and The Little Prince by Antoine Saint-Exupery.

My resolutions for this year, I have already discussed here. I am unconcerned about making lots of resolutions. Two is enough for me: 1. Complete a half-marathon and 2. Incorporate yoga into my life.

One more thing. Everyone knows that the best part of getting cold is getting warm again. I made this soup in a flash after skiing today. It took maybe 10 or 15 minutes to chop everything up and then simmered for about 20 while I was in the shower. Delish! It's the Hearty Stew from The Vegan Table, which I highly recommend. Only, I un-veganized it by adding a chunk of parmesan rind which was lying in my freezer. What a chewy cheesy treat!

Welcome, New Year

It's 2010, and I'm amazed. How did we get here?

I ended my year the way I intend to continue into the next. I ran a 4 mile race yesterday, the longest I've done in many years, and I had a few people over to celebrate the turning of a decade. We talked, made a meal of some light and healthful appetizers, and toasted to ourselves and to new beginnings. We decided that yesterday was a day for reflection on the past year and today was a day for looking forward, for facing up to the scary unknown and choosing how to step into the light.

I will be starting my new year with some activities that I can't wait to get started. I'm signing up with a local running store to be on a team training for a half-marathon in May. It's with not a small amount of trepidation that I have decided to do this, but I'm so excited about it that I know it is the right choice. It's the right time, I'm in the right place, there's nothing to be gained by saying "next year, next year." So, this year, my first resolution is to run a half-marathon.

I have been interested in yoga for a while now, but purely from afar. I have decided to add occasional yoga classes to my training regimen. With all the running and pounding my body will be taking, some stretching and soothing will be just the ticket. There is a local studio where I can by a punch card and decide week to week which class will best fit my schedule, and on Sunday nights they have apprentice-taught classes for $5. Where's the down side in that, right?

Both of these activities will get me out and meeting new people. I have been living a very isolated existence these past few months, and I'm excited to be finding ways to get out.

As far as crafting goes, I'm not sure what 2010 holds. I have very few concrete plans, except for the Knitting Olympics. I already have my project picked out, but more on that another time. I received a sewing machine for my birthday and Christmas, so I will probably be spending a bit more time at the machine than knitting, and I'm ok with that. Learning to properly fit a sewn garment is going to require some trial and error, I have found out the hard way recently. I think I might just stock up on yards of muslin....

All in all, I'm thrilled to step out into a new decade, into the unknown. This has been a difficult year in many ways, and I'm not sorry to leave it in my history and to embrace a shiny new year.

Lost

I got some bad news on Sunday night. It appears that the practice rooms at my undergrad, Ithaca College, were vandalized. At the time 60 pianos and some percussion equipment were thought to be destroyed. This on the eve of the beginning of juries, the “final exam” for the playing portion of a musician’s studies in higher education. In the end, though ¾ of the pianos available in the practice rooms were overturned or had parts ripped out, most were in “playable” condition after some intensive work by the piano technicians. The police are investigating, and no one has been caught, nor is there any indication of why this was done.

I’m still in shock, mostly because I cannot for the life of me understand why someone would do this. I keep thinking of the sheer amount of time and strength it would have taken. When could this have happened? You cannot be in the music building during any of its open hours find yourself alone in the building. It’s generally open from 7AM to 1AM, and I have heard that often you can stay later than that. This 6 hour period of lockdown is really only to force music students to get some sleep. Could it have been a music student? More than one? This at least, does not seem true to me. A normal music student would never consider this kind of damage to a musical instrument. And they would not do it on the eve of juries. While this seems like the “best” time to do damage, and it’s true that the practice rooms get a lot of use at this time, the reality is that the practicing that needs to be done has already been done, and most people avoid the practice rooms entirely after juries are over which means that about Wednesday things get really quiet. The school has a lot of time to repair the pianos, get replacements, clean up, and generally put things to right again before school starts up. A more disruptive time would have been the first day of the new semester.

And still I do not understand. This shock goes around and around in my head and my heart, never reaching any kind of destination, open-ended and searching. Why?

This may seem trivial to a non-musician. The damage was, after all, pretty minimal in the end. But it’s the violation that is the shock. Consider a few points.

1. The music building is more a home than many musicians’ dorms or apartments. We often spend more hours a day in the music building than we do anywhere else between classes and practicing and attending concerts.

2. The music building at IC has always been open to anyone. Many music buildings I have visited over the years require key cards to get in, have extremely limited hours, or extremely limited space. The practice rooms are invariably in the basement, but IC’s rooms have windows to the outside (a real treat) and more grand pianos available to students than any other school I have ever visited. It’s this openness and the sense of home that seems most violated.

3. And then there’s the instruments themselves. Pianists and percussionist do not have the luxury of portable instruments. Even in the best of circumstances, the sheer cost of a grand piano or a marimba means that most of these students can only hope of owning one someday, after years and years of saving pennies. They cannot afford their own instruments, and that is why there are so many available in music schools, and why the pianists and percussionists spend so much time in the music building.

4. Lastly, I have to mention the personal relationship that a musician feels with his or her instrument. Each instrument has a personality, little things that it likes or doesn’t like, things it does effortlessly and things you need to coax it to do. Each instrument has its own voice. A music student often spends more hours a day with their instrument than any person in their lives. Consider that. A student was quoted as saying that he considers this act like a murder. He’s not far wrong in sentiment if not in actual fact.

I can’t help but think of the steps that IC will have to take to protect its students and its instruments, and another little part of me is sad. Hindsight is 20/20 and I have only been able to accurately value what Ithaca has given me in relation to the kinds of experiences I have had since. Ithaca is a truly unique place and offers an incredibly thorough and diverse musical education. I cannot picture how it will change with locks on its doors.

Before :: After

Do my fingers look a little white-knuckled around that cookie? I knew when I snatched up this teaching job for today that it was going to be a challenge - 2nd grade, and I've never done a whole day with kids so young. I called home last night to have a mini freak out over it. My dad set my head back on my shoulders and I scooped House at Pooh Corner and a book of Native American myths into my bag and tripped happily along my way.

If I had known that it was this 2nd grade, I would have just stayed home. I survived, but ended up sending two boys to the office for the 2nd half of the day and received concerned looks from just about every teacher I passed in the hall all day. I must have looked a bit shell-shocked. Needless to say, these kids were not going to be sitting still for House at Pooh Corner. I spend the whole day in a cold sweat, trying to keep kids on task.

Upon arriving home, I headed straight for the yoga pants on my Owls sweater. I was popping a couple of ibprofen and stirring honey into my Lady Grey tea when there was a knock on the door.

A package for me! I chose to spend my birthday money severely dessimating my Amazon wishlist, and I'm so glad I did, especially since it came today of all days! (That's right, as of last Friday another year older, another year... wiser....?) Now I have too many awesome stress relievers and I can't decide! Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Kungfu Panda? Smutty romance novel? New music? I'm going to opt against doing them all at once, since I've been subjected to a dull roar all day, and I think my head might explode....

And, oh, tonight is Creative Night, a semi-regular thing I have going with some girls I know. We just get together and, well, I'm sure it's no surprise that we mostly eat and chat more than actually create. I'm hoping to get a good start on the neck for my Plain and Simple Vest. Just 7 inches of ribbing on size 1 needles to go. Good food, good friends, and snuggles from a dog named Odo (you know, from Deep Space Nine. He's a shapeshifter.) The best antidote to a crappy day that I know of. Dudes, I earned my pittance today.

Snapshot

Let me explain the picture. Today I managed to score a sweet gig subbing for an elementary school librarian. I was pretty excited about it because I'm considering the pros and cons of getting a Masters of Library Science degree, and although being a school librarian is a different certification program, I was looking forward to finding out about what it is that a school librarian does first hand. Not to mention that when I got to the school, it was clear that it was going to be an easy day.

And then one of the 4th grade teachers had to leave suddenly, and I got reassigned to be in her classroom for basically the whole day. I was pretty bummed, and everything got kind of thrown together at the last minute, and oh, did they forget to tell me that the kids were going on a field trip to see a play at the high school? Well, I managed, and I had a good time too. Younger kids seem to like me a lot, which I find kind of funny. I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time. I just try and make sure that everyone has all their body parts at the end of the day, which come to think of it is probably why they like me. Their real teacher needs to accomplish substantially more than that.

Anyway, I'm off for the holiday. I hope that you all have just the kind of holiday that you most need!

Thoughts from a Sunday Afternoon

Here I sit, procrastinating about writing up the pattern for my Double Time Vest. I was thinking that I was going to go to the local coffee house, flirt a bit with the cute guys who work there, get a pumpkin latte, and sit for the afternoon to knock out the math on the pattern. Since I'm not in school anymore, I've completely lost perspective on Sunday afternoon being prime homework and studying time, and there wasn't a table to be found in the place. So I'm back home, giant mug of Earl Grey by my side, thinking about maybe at some point soon-ish getting to the pattern writing. After having had two auditions in two weeks, I've finished auditioning for the forseeable future, and it's kind of like school's out. I have all this extra time. What do I do now?

Danielle and I hiked about 9 miles yesterday, which was great. I get really cranky when I can't get outside, and with it getting so dark in the evenings, I've had to take my run to the treadmill, which is not my favorite thing. I felt so much better after being outside and chatting for a few hours.

I've been thinking about the holidays this year. I'm trying to let go of my need to have every little thing turn into a tradition. Life goes on and changes. Love stays the same, no matter what. I put up my Christmas lights around the living room. I just love Christmas lights. I think that they are a very important part of this time of year. It is just so dark, and the lights make everything cheerful. I feel calm when I see them. I'm also thinking about these little trees. I love that they are not really holiday specific - you could use them for the whole winter if you wanted. They're plain but interesting and in groupings they are just so cute.

I bought this skirt recently after hearing recommendations for it from two different people in a week. It's kind of the winter counterpart to my favorite summer skirt. It's incredibly comfy and easy to wear. It's more money than I would typically spend on a single piece, but I can tell that it's going to be worth it. I may even have to get another closer to spring! I've been so obsessed with skirts lately... my day feels better from the get-go when I'm wearing a skirt.

Stephanie is coming over for dinner tonight. She'll have finished up the opera, and I know she'll need to decompress. We're having these little chilli pepper things from Jamie Oliver for salad/appetizer, Quinoa Stuffed Acorn Squash, Carmelized Cauliflower, and Stephanie's bringing dessert. I'm excited.

The picture at the top is being reused from a recent posting on M&S. We're taking a little break for the holiday weekend, but we'll be back after that. We're having a great time, and we'd love to have you stop by!

Happy Halloween!

I taught a friend to sew today. We made a skirt for her Tinkerbell costume. The Wind Symphony is playing a concert tomorrow. The clarinets are dressing up as characters from Peter Pan.

Not pictured: Stephanie's AWESOME Tiger Lily costume. We did the whole thing by hand, not being in possession of a sewing machine. It's not exactly professional, but it will do!

May I suggest that you add some Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Cupcakes with Cinnamon Icing to your Halloween festivities? These (like pretty much all the cupcakes I make) are from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World. The only changes I made were to double the amount of powdered sugar in the icing to make it spreadable. I left some cupcakes plain because, well, that's all the icing I had, and I didn't expect us to eat them all, and I figured I'd just freeze the leftovers. Oh me of little faith, though I did send four to good homes, there is only one lonely cupcake left for me to eat tomorrow (and to be clear, I only ate one today!). It turns out that they are perfectly delicious without the icing after all!

On Life and Earl Grey

The best word to describe my life right now is "odd." Not in school, not employed. Lacking in a lot of the things that I'm used to having in my schedule like lessons and rehearsals. I'm feeling both more and less balanced than I'm used to. I've been spending a lot of time thinking and inventing things for myself to do. These things mostly have to do with organizing and cleaning, which is all good in my opinion. I didn't realize how many things I had put off doing, or which hadn't seemed important at the time but are now rather critical.

I have applied to be a substitute teacher, and I have been doing all the training and form-getting which is needed for that. My orientation is on Thursday, and I'm really hoping that it comes through for me. Not being one to put all my eggs in one basket, I'm also looking at other jobs, putting together resumes and cover letters, taking assessments on my strengths and weaknesses. It's been illuminating, but incredibly scary.

I talk a good talk about letting my life open up and exploring the options available to me, about seeing where my path leads. The truth is, I'm really afraid.

I have two auditions scheduled between now and Thanksgiving, which gives me something to practice for. The reality of being a musician is that it is hard to make yourself work if there is not a reason to be working like an audition or a lesson or a concert. I'm running the Dino Dash again this year on October 4th, and I'm in the beginning stages of planning a weekend backpacking trip a few weeks later. All these things are giving my life some structure, but I sure wish I had a job so I could feel productive.

This morning I woke up feeling down and out of sorts. We all have our little ritual which help us to center and focus and let go of the weight in our mind. For me, the scent and taste of Earl Grey tea makes me feel like everything is ok in the world. When I smell it, I can't think of anything else. My cup of tea was badly needed today.

I'm alive

I promise. This summer, like last summer, I'm not likely to be around here often. I just have too much other stuff going on, like triple rehearsals and lessons two days apart and concerts and working in the box office. If you like, you can catch up with me over on Flickr (screen name: doubleGknits) where I've started a "Summer in Pictures" photo set which is meant to document my summer in one picture a day. Who knows how often I will be able to upload, but it should be interesting anyway. I haven't knit a stitch in the two and a half weeks I've been here, but I'm ok with that. Book recommendations, however, are always welcome.